No email receipt needed, but familiarity with book will be important. Buy 4 Copies — Free signed, advanced copy of Becoming Superhuman [note: this was the decoy title for 4-Hour Body] when it comes out later in E-mail Amazon receipt to bonus fourhourworkweek. This makes the ten copies, in effect, free. Dine and hang out with me and my best friends from tech and all over the world. I will fly you from anywhere in the world to San Francisco, where I will cover all meals and entertainment for 24 hours.
One friend or business partner is welcome to attend if they cover their own travel and hotel. That promotion worked really well, so we did it again the following year. Only this time, we went BIG. And the second time we employed the Land Rush technique, it resulted in 15, copies of The 4-Hour Body sold in less than 3 days hours. All of the packages were broken up into Slideshares, so we could easily track which packages were being viewed the most, and which ones were converting. We had packages for so many levels: 1 book, 3 books, 5 books, 10 books, 30 books, books, books, 1, books, 5, books, and even 10, books.
For orders that were copies, we had readers email us their Amazon receipts, then we fulfilled their bonus gifts. For orders that were between 30 and copies, we had readers purchase a ticket on Eventbrite. Then we had CEO-Read ship the books to them, and the companies we partnered with fulfilled their bonus gifts. Handling logistics for 15, orders was crazy, but our biggest regret was that we offered TOO many choices. People were confused about what to buy. We should have just done 1 book, 3 books, 10 books, 30 books, books, and 1, books. Still, it was a huge success.
Again, you can use this technique for your book during your launch to get a rush of books sold all in 24 hours. Or you can offer your book in bulk on an ongoing basis, just so people see that option to buy large orders. This marketing machine facilitates transactions that get my book in the hands of large audiences, and the form encourages them to hire me as a paid speaker.
Charles Duhigg, the author of the bestseller The Power of Habit, originally got his toe-hold by releasing an excerpt from his book that went viral. Ideally, you want to have some sort of personal connection with the people running these sites they know, like, and want to help you. Only do guest posts and interviews for outlets where you know that A they do great work, B you can give them amazing content, C your ideal readers are on the receiving end of that content, and D your work will likely convert or be shared.
Just think about how long and detailed this guest post is -- pretty crazy, right? Well I know that if I do an amazing job, a lot of you guys will want to share this post or buy my book, so I put a lot of effort into it. You get to have an honest conversation that people will listen to for an hour or more! The reason I'm emailing is because I'm a big fan of [your podcast], and wanted to see if you'd like to have me as a guest on the show. Here are a few notes on why I think I'd make a good guest:. My post has helped more than , anxiety sufferers over the past year, and I'd love to share my story with your audience.
Would having me on as a guest be of interest? If so, I'd be happy to give your listeners an exclusive offer on my upcoming book, as well. Of course, if you'd rather pass or can't do it now, no worries! Either way, thanks for your time and keep doing what you're doing. First, you want to set the narrative online in places you can have more control over. Why not do giveaways, or record the speech and post it online?
All of it adds up, slowly but surely. You can also partner with physical outlets where your ideal reader might be. I hope you get a chance to check out my book. Most of and the beginning of were a low time for me. I tried many things like naked yoga, traveling alone around India, love workshops, business coaches, new diets, etc… to feel better.
Eventually with trying many things I was able to start feeling better. Leave a comment with the latest activity you like to do rollerblading, cleaning, reading, etc.. Your email address will not be published. Leave this field empty. Thank you for this! I didn't even know what slideshare was! Really appreciate you. Activities: working out, dancing, and bad bowling! What a fantastic article. And I will be buying this book for my fourteen-year-old daughter! My book Butterfly will be launched on Feb.
Thank you? Hello Noah: Thanks for the great ideas! I am implementing them with my new book Junga the Dancing Yeti and will recommend this informative and helpful article to other authors I publish. Noah this was a fantastic article.. Just so many helpful tips insights and strategy.. Just loved it I am going to implement a number of these to increase marketability of my recent book Thank you so much Very informative article. I will definitely share with others.
This is another awesome Orkdork post which I just shared with my members on afroentrepreneurs. I've yet to launch my own amazon ebooks and so very glad that I stumbled upon both yours and Scott Britton's articles which will help immensely. I simply loved this article and all of its content, because it had tones of valuable information pertinent to my 27th Year of this book writing journey!!!!
Thank you, Natacha P. So, do you think there is a logical limit on the number of times an author puts a book on super sale each year? I'd be interested in your take. This was one helluva post! In-depth and actionable! And was written 2 days after my book launch! I'm noticing that the work is done AFTER the book is written and launched because then you have to sell the darn thing! It's definitely a lot of work like you said but it's fun and I love it. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I just want to say massive THANK YOU for this article, it is so full of valuable information and practical actionable and easy to understand strategies that a complete newbie author and self-publisher like myself can implement now.
I have just written a book about How to Reinvent Yourself after Divorce and just doing the finishing touches regarding my cover etc before uploading on Amazon. I was completely lost and overwhelmed re my next steps and I have my book launch on the 16th of March. I am going to read this again with avid attention and highlight the stuff I am able to do on my own. I love the info you recommneded we should put at the end of our books to attract bulk buys for groups and organisations and to encourage speaking gigs.
I am definitely putting that in my book You have demonstrated immense integrity, authenticity, generosity and heart which shows you are a genuine giver who really wants to help and is committed to helping your audience be the best they can in their businesses. Thank you and God Bless. I've read many articles on how to market my book and of all of them I found your article to be the most useful and extremely helpful. A lot of successful authors keep their secret formulas to themselves in fear of other competition.
Thank you for not being one of those authors and for the valuable information you have provided me. Many of my clients always ask about books I can recommend which is what printed me to put 19 years of private practicing experience in my book and why I will also recommend yours. I'm writing a children chapter book. I have a question will we have to pay to get our book publish? Man, I love it! You just took me from being lost to being found! I am so pumped I have got to run with this info. Thank you so much for your help.
I can see all of the great possibilities now. I will update you on what I did and my progress. Building a great writers life! I'm gonna buy your book because one of the pillars or sources of energy I write about in my book is to Give Yourself Permission to Play! Play in the workplace, play in your relationships and play by yourself. Every author should read your article, because I came here looking for info on getting to 1 on amazon, now I don't care about that anymore. Very interesting reading and lots of information.
I have a very unique idea about erotic writing targeting the seniors who I feel are not considered sexually, all past it!!!!!!!! Honestly my writing is hilarious and the old folks will love it but don't know where to start or how to protect myself on the Internet, advice please. Wow this is some of the best advice I've ever gotten on setting up a successful book campaign. Thanks Charlie for the insight into your book makings and the others you helped with.
Recently started doing floatation therapy Really amazing experience. The concept is a complete disconnect from your senses - total darkness, quiet and as you're floating in body temperature water, you also don't feel. Fantastic information. Here is a tip I have learned. The day after I launch my book I get all my friends and family to purchase the book.
Plus I use mass purchasing sites like hugeorange. I have done this twice and got on the best seller list both times. It will help me now and in the future so much. Thank you very much for writing it! Hi Scott, this is amazing!! Thank you so much for publishing all this! It's incredibly helpful, especially for those like me who are planning to launch their first eBook!
I appreciate your effort to share with us your experience. I learned a lot and will apply some of your strategies. I had a question about talking to influencers. When you say that you are launching your book in a month, and ask them if they would like a "kindle or PDF copy" how do you send them a Kindle version pre-launch?
I learned tons!!! Thank you so much. I am a first time self published author figuring it out. Intuitively I did or am doing many of these things. Finding the time and learning the skills is tricky but I can see the longevity in these steps. My book "Edge of Grace: A Seeker's Path to the Heart of Liberation" by Prajna is hitting the heart of many, a real human story written with transparency, humor and love — you cry, you laugh, and then you return for more to find out how to recover from the inevitable in life.
THX for your help, I hope I win a book! Two things take away any stress and anxiety Tennis and Boating I have found though that going out on the boat and just cruising around either by myself or with my wife and dog or with friends is by far the most relaxing, refreshing and renewing activity It clears my mind and opens my thoughts to new opportunities. Thx for the great article I have been speaking and conducting training on communication, sales, and influence across the country for the past 7 years and am working on my first book right now.
This article and your insights are most helpful. Thomas- I'd love to connect with you, as I think we can both help each other with our goals I'm trying to do more interactive workshops and corporate speaking. Holy Cow this is valuable info, it could be a mini e-book in it's self thank you for sharing this info. Wow,this is the most detailed,free,helpful information that I have ever read. I am writing my first book and this will help me a lot. Thank you. This has been, by far, the most taco-licious post ever..
This is freaking awesome - thanks for the long post and guide. I keep telling authors to focus on validating their ideas and writing books people want to buy; unfortunately the modernist idealism of "ART" continues to blind authors to the realities of publishing success, and they're creating in a "Field of Dreams" mentality that promises all their creative efforts will be rewarded as long as they listen to their passion and muse. Writing a bestseller is about writing a book that people will buy.
End of story. You can definitely see your skills within the work you write. The world hopes for more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to mention how they believe. Always go after your heart. We met a couple who build them for the hotels and they shared the secret to a great sand castle. Isn't just water - its lots and lots of water, more water than you think.
Perfect timing! I just published my first draft 3 chapters of a new book on leanpub. What a great model.. Lately it's been getting personal attention and coaching from you Noah, it has called me to action in a way that I'd never tapped into before. I enjoy a good challenge. It's also made me conjure up ideas about my novels and writing projects. Happy Birthday! Running is fantastic for stress relief I had never been a "runner" at any point in my life, ever ever. This time last year I couldn't even run more than the 1. I was seriously slow and for me running hurt all over.
I sucked. It all changed when I found a friend who had recently got into running, he had me read the book "Born to Run" and start jogging with him. I was slow and everything hurt at first. Actually, it was aweful. Then it became ok, then it became enjoyable, and then awesome. In June I ran my first half marathon and in Nov I ran my first full marathon. I've also run two man relay races through the smoky mountains. Anyone can be a runner, after all we were born to run. For me, getting started was all about having FUN people to do it with who didn't judge me and pushed me into getting over the "hump" You don't need to run marathons or anything like that.
I try to take time to invest in myself daily. Sometimes it is reading or going for a walk on a country road, or watching an action packed movie, or having a glass of wine with a friend. Something I can look forward to even when life gets tough! Happy Birthday Noah. I'm the founder of an online novel writing course, and these are some great tips for publishing your book.
I'll have to make them part of the curriculum! I also breathe deep for a minute. It was incredible getting lost in ancient and contemporary pieces, worrying little about the world around me and indulging in rich history. Right now, Ping-Pong. But I have been trying to find something that I am really bad at and have no control over. I find that if it is something I can be good at, my workaholic kicks in and I will go try-hard and it takes all the fun away.
DJing is my favorite activity to get rid of anxiety. It's an outlet that allows me to express myself creatively and emotionally, while also having a ridiculous amount of fun. Nothing like getting lost on the decks for a few hours. Second, brilliant post! I've written one book so far and it sold better than I expected. With that said, I have no doubt that I can do better next time round and your post is now my first reference item for my next book.
It's literally a step by step Thanks very much for putting this online! Great post! If you're an author and you want some intelligence on your book compared to other books try the free tool Bookalyzer. All of this craziness to get on the Best Seller List. You're working much too hard, and this is totally inefficient. They'll get you on the bestseller list, no problem. They buy your book, along with their fee, and presto you're a NYT bestselling author. Do some searching and you find a lot more. It's a fairly common practice.
All this unnecessary work and hustle Charlie. Come on, get with it Here's the thing- I know authors who have used services like the one you mentioned to hit the bestseller list. They "sell" 10, books in the first week, then get to say they're a NYT bestselling author for the rest of their life. Good for them. But six months later, they've only sold a grand total of 12, books. And their book has already fallen into the realm of obscurity, because no one cares about it anymore.
Their bestseller was a flash in the pan. Hitting the list doesn't really mean anything anymore. People who are smart -- people who read books -- are now aware that the list can be gamed. If you're going to use a service to guarantee 1 which isn't always a guarantee, due to outliers , you need to keep in mind that it might only help you in the short term.
I shouldn't say "hitting the list doesn't mean anything anymore. It does mean something, but my point is that it ain't what it used to be. I think everything can be gamed. Everything can be gamed and everything is spam. As you quickly figured out my comment was somewhat tongue in cheek, but amazing that even the NYT Bestseller isn't what most think.
Anyway, great piece with loads of a marketing content that I'll continue to piece. Why I would love to read the book, that would require getting offline. Maybe if I go to Cuba. Thinking of someone I can purchase it for, and I will. To relieve stress, for me is photography. Taking photos help me forget everything else since I really need to focus pun unintended on the composition, settings etc. Happy Birthday Noah!
There's nothing quite like putting on a great song, turning up the volume and having a 5min dance off with yourself. For a calmer approach I also do yoga. I mean you get invited by strangers to come to their homes, have a tea and have a relaxed chat about what you are doing in live. That is a really nice thing to do on the weekend. After I graduated from university, I figured I was to old to be wasting my time by playing video games.
If I wasn't at work, I was working on my own business in my spare time. I thought that I could always be doing something more productive with my time. During my teenage years, I loved playing video games and had every major console. I "wasted" many a day playing games. I ordered an Xbox One and I am having a blast. I had forgotten how much fun video games are. I really regret thinking they were a waste of time despite watch endless films and reading lots of books. I can't wait for Titanfall to come out in a few weeks, there are some late night sessions in the pipeline!
Great content, rich and useful. One comment about step 2: the cost for a good cover design doesn't have to be a couple hundred bucks. Happy Birthday, Noah! Playing skater hockey! Or if a girl i see wasn't out traveling for 3 month, it would be kissing her - Happy Birthday Noah! Well I don't actually know if you still have birthday since it 8 am in Denmark But congrats anyway and thanks for the very informative and valuable article!
Or almost anything physical but mundane. First off - epic post. I bookmarked it using feedly. The marketing of your content is extremely important and it's not so easy to get your head around. As far as relaxation techniques - I love to ride my bike to prospect park in Brooklyn. I play some instrumental reggae on a portable speaker hanging from my handlebars and take a ride.
Currently though this winter is so brutal that I instead relax by lounging and watching Netflix. A lot lamer than biking. On the topic of birthdays, I think it's pathetic when people turning 30 share comments on Facebook like "I'm officially old" or "Dreading my 30s". I recently turned 30 and instead I shared this From age 0 to 30, think of everything we've experienced..
Now think of what we could jampack into another 30 years, with the knowledge and experience we already have. Now we get another.. Noah, you're just over 30, but hope you can relate to this thinking that's it's just the beginning of another lifetime! You know what I realised, I have 4 kids, and they are growing up without me, because I am stuck in a damn prison cell of an office building all day long.
So what do I do to 'play', I make a concsious effort to play with them. Pushing them on a swing, chasing them up the stairs, kicking a football, racing our bikes, building sandcastles, puzzles, baord games, lego, trains, make belief, hide and seek, the list is endless. Nothing, NOTHING takes away my anxiety as quickly or effectively as seeing the smile on my childs face, or hearing them screech with laughter because of my play.
One is as soon as I wake up treadmill if weather is bad , and then one in the afternoon. Mind clearing, anxiety-reducing. My Transcendental Meditation practice has really helped with anxiety and overwhelm, because of it I have been able to stay focused and finish long term projects like my first feature documentary. Right now it's freediving. It works so well because you have to let go to succeed.
Hiking in Boulder, it's a great workout and the view from the mountains helps put life in perspective. Happy bday! Also, taking what seems to be today a "contrarian" approach by not aiming to be 1 in the NY Times or die. Brilliant post! Very useful and entertaining at the same time.
I didn't see you mention affiliates or that kind of "help" from people with an stablished audience, and making a cut of that pushing your books. I was just curious if you explored it or you don't recommend that for any reason. Maybe you mentioned it and I overlooked it. I am numb inside, I look around me and see people walking and laughing and I feel is cynical. I do not like this person I became, I hate being hateful, I need help.
I know that no relationship is perfect but I want to know how can I help to keep it healthy and long-lasting. Can you give some advice please? Thank you. Hi Kadeef! I think the BEST thing you can do to help your future marriage be a success is to strengthen your relationship with God now and work on healing your hurts from the past before you get married.
I would also suggest you require this of your future wife— for your benefit and hers! It should be part of your pre-marital counseling. One of the biggest problems is that we go into marriage with a lot of baggage and we take out our pain on our spouse. That is why almost every post I write links to the Restoring Relationships Ministry. They have a proven, biblical path to healing that has helped thousands of people and marriages.
Above all— work on yourself and your relationship with God. Keep Him first place and trust His Word over your emotions. Be encouraged, friend! Lizzie Smiley. God bless you and your household Lizzie. Another fight….. I should use kept my mouth shut. Why did I even try talking to him. Just wanted to share some feelings…. When will I ever learn! Now, it will be another day of silence. Another day of loneliness. Another day of regrets, yearning of freedom. I hate him, I hate his words, his voice, his thoughts, his feelings, his opinions, his presence.
I have no desire for him mentally or physically and it angers him! Fight after fight for years. Flipping him off constantly, I hate him!!!!! I want out but am trapped. No money, no job skills….. Constantly searching but never finding anything. So, here I am, laying in my bed, crying like a child, watching my life pass me by….. Gina— I am heartbroken for you.
I know that place of loneliness and hopelessness and pain so well. It sounds like you have a mountain of hurt overwhelming you and one moment you try to share it with your husband and the next you want to run away from him. I get that, too. I can't beg you enough to pursue some professional counseling or consider the Restoring Relationships Ministry that I linked above.
Does God Care What You Weigh?
I want more for you and God wants more for you. Even just for the example your kids see— show them a fight for victory. Show them a healed marriage and Momma. Take the first step. Than your for your prayers. Yes, I agree, my bitterness is killing me and it has been for years. My husband and I have seen 3 counselors and I myself have seen 2. He knows how I feel and gets very angry and verbal with me about it.
I just want to turn and run. Thank you for your advice. I have been married only a few months, in fact we will soon reach a year. My husband was great when he was my fiance. We moved cities because of his career and i left my job to be supportive. I am now unemployed, struggling to find employment whilst his career is flourishing. He has become so arrogant and rude. He is aggressive and only brings out the worst in me. We have just recently bought a property and he is not that much interested in prioritizing himself.
I feel like I have made a huge mistake marrying him because he makes me so upset and whenever he is not around me i feel more at peace. I just wish I could reverse time and not have married him. I have prayed and i have also begun changing my attitude but it is getting way more harder and the anger and frustration inside me keeps increasing. I am starting to think that marriage is the worst thing ever.
I have been married for 37 years. I am a Christian. We were 20 years old when we married and apparently I was very immature. I know that I did not love my husband like i should have when we married. We have 3 beautiful children and 5 precious grandchildren. He was unfaithful to me many years ago, has been emotionally abusive cusses me and when I had a hysterectomy because of back pain he came in to my hospital room and cussed me using Gods name in vain. Two of our three had type 1 diabetes that he never helped me with manage them which was very stressful.
Since that night I have had extreme hatred and disgust in my heart for him. It is literally tearing my health down. I feel so broken. I have prayed, gone for counseling, tried energy healing,etc. When he comes in I immediately go in to panic mode, feeling sick,dizzy, have stress hormones surging through my body.
Also I made a commitment to a lifetime covenant. Please pray for me and I am open to any suggestions. I feel hopeless and helpless. I want change these emotions, but it feels like Satan is not going to allow it to happen. Thank you for any advice. Thank you so much for your post — this is really helpful to me.
Good to read all the comments and see people in different types of situations. I realize better that its more about our relationship with God and focusing on His love for us. Through him we can do all things! When I focus on his love it makes it easy to forgive my spouse and love myself, take care of myself, and count my blessings.
Thank you Lord for your lovingkindness. I want to thank you for posting this. I have been married twice, the first time to an extremely abusive person whom I left and divorced. I have also been betrayed in every relationship I have ever had, including by family. Now, I am married to a man who has many good qualities but also has many bad ones.
He can be narcissistic, short-tempered, very passive-aggressive, and immature. He is sometimes a poor example for others, and I feel like he just generally does not care about me and is completely cold and indifferent to anything I may be going through. He also is a good helper around the house and works hard for his family.
So there is good and bad, but I still intensely dislike him. Sometimes I feel like our house is more peaceful without him around. Worst of all, I struggle against thinking about a wonderful man who had wanted to marry me 20 years ago who I turned down and is now happily married to someone else. I now bitterly regret my decision. I feel horrible that I would harbor such thoughts and repeatedly pray that God remove it from my mind, but it lingers like a poison.
However, I will keep reading your words, try to pick myself up for the millionth time, do what I have to do what other choice is there other than another divorce? Hey friend— I totally understand. I DO NOT think you should just stick around forever with someone who refuses to take accountability for addiction and emotionally abuses you. I wrote a different post for women in situations like yours. Thank you for this post! It was just what I needed right now! So glad I read this-. I am a guy and I have been married for a little over 2 years. My wife left a lot to be with me, I never really loved her while dating, but still decided to get married.
I think I resent her for staying with me. I pray for love and affection towards her, because I also lack in intimacy with her. I was not a practicing Christian when we were dating, I was the opposite though I was raised in the Church. Then during the first few months of marriage, things were bad and I decided that I needed to come back to Christ.
But my wife was not a Christian or was raised in a household of believers and this startled her bad.
Excerpt from "Oasis - Daily Refreshment for the Thirsty Soul"
But eventually, we both got baptized I was re-baptized. But even leading up to baptism we were fighting and afterwards as well. I have been cutting a lot of things out of my life, like certain types of music, tv shows, etc. I know this is wrong, but it happens so often, even after praying or before we have Bible study together we fight, go to bed angry.
She is hurting a lot and I am supposed to be the leader in the home, but I am misrepresenting Christ by my behavior. I always hear people say that you can fall BACK in love, but what about falling in love for the first time with your spouse? Just wanted to respond to this husband.
I need to stay faithful to promise I made. Thank you for your inspiring blogs. God led me to you. I want my God to know that I love him more than myself. I will be looking at your past blogs as well as new inspirational ones! I hope you find inspiring content here! Really powerful, biblical resources to help you on your journey. My wife left me about a month ago taking our two little girls 6 and 4. All the words [e. But she has said she hates me, she does not want me to visit where they stay except to pick up the girls, she will not let me come into the house where they are living, not even to use the restroom.
She says I have failed her repeatedly for years and I am undependable. I did lose my cool because of her refusal to have or show any respect whatever for me many years ago and slapped her—I repented immediately, fell down on our bed and crawled off onto the floor. I was sure all life together was over. A month ago our 6 year old repeatedly refused to comply with my instruction. The pressure was stupid and my wife was not helping.
I did not abuse my daughter but administered coporal punishment. A week or two later they did. I will not leave our church. I am fed by the word there and it is where my girls go to church also. So, she does not want me sitting near her. For the past year she has not at with me anyway. I talk with out Pastor often. I have a Christian Counselor who is great. I talk to other Christian brethren who are concerned. She hates me. The look she gives me in the eyes and things she says even now are simply evil.
I fear there is no hope. Her heart is frozen solid against me.
The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer
Is there hope and why should I believe when the Lord does not force repentance. Thank You for any thoughts. Bruce— Here is a free video from my favorite relationships ministry on what to do when you have a prodigal spouse. I think there is so much wisdom here and I hope it helps you! Lots of folks talk about Scripture and few apply it…if we did those Relationships would heal quick.
Ive found some of the most zealot Christians tend to be lacking in application of Christs words and actions. More Apply less talk. I truly detest my husband. He calls our son names and blames everyone around him for everything. I feel so alone! I found this article late. This article totally describes the resentment and bitterness i felt towards my most loving husband of 4yrs. I blame myself for all these. There is always hope, my friend! I really encourage you to find a professional you can speak with preferably a Christian counselor to help you process your anger and your sadness AND give you an objective 3rd party opinion to help you pursue reconciliation with your husband.
When things get to a difficult place like yours, it can help so much to have a professional wade through it all. Even I continue to visit with a counselor to process through difficulties in a healthy way and continue to grow. A person that you see every hour of everyday. A person you share a home with a life with. So, here I am…. Abuse requires very different steps and action than an unhappy, loveless marriage.
That being said— even marriage without abuse can cause tremendous pain. It sounds like you are carrying a heavy load that you were never meant to bear. Have you considered talking to a counselor?? I found it tremendously helpful when dealing with hate and unforgiveness towards my husband. And I deserved it— and so do you. I PRAY you find it, friend! I dated my husband since HS. We broke up and became friends with benefits and then got back together before getting engaged and subsequently married. He is inconsiderate, thoughtless, rude, immature, and is NOT the spiritual leader that I needed him to be.
I have no interest in intimacy or dates with him. He plays games incessantly even in bed. My heart is broken. So he ran up to me, grabbed my arms as I tried to keep my phone away from him as he attempted to grab it. He was successful and I had to run to find a way to call my dad.
His games are top priority. He forgets about me. Now why am I alone at this hour? I was sexually abused by my god siblings when I was 5. I always saw sex as dirty and unpleasant but never realized it was because of that hurt. Today, using that reason was the last straw. Not with this boy. I beg for him not to leave. I pursue him. I just want peace. I hear his car parking and my heart is racing from dread. It has been summed up in so many of these posts and I am so done with going over this in my head that I will not even describe the situation. I always understood marriage as a give and give …not a give and take.
Give and give only works if you have a like-minded partner. I have tried all the suggestions and given till it hurts and beyond…but if the person I am with has no idea what it means to give in a marriage…then how is sacrificial love going to work? I am seeing a counselor today for my own sanity. Mine wont. I do not want the stamp of 2nd time divorced on my forehead but now after 13 years of the same cycle and many wise people telling me he will never realize anything…I am hardened and getting ready to bear the stigma and whatever else is coming-the financial ruin, loneliness, depression, losing friends and maybe even family ties changing.
I only play to win—everything in my life is a roaring success by the grace of the almighty—except for this sorry excuse for a marriage. I played and lost miserably at this game. Ironically we used to teach marriage seminars in our church and now I am on the verge of something that would deter anyone from marriage.
The devil has a hold on him and hes not strong enough to fight it. And now the devil has crept into my heart too—filling it with hate. I hope the counselor was able to help! No matter what happens with your husband, I pray peace over your sweet heart and joy over your future. I find myself resisting everything you are saying with the thought that what good does it do me to change? And he will be happy because he will have finally got all he really wants and needs in a marriage — A MOTHER substitute to take care of him while he watches hours of violent and senseless dramatic television every night, smokes cigarettes, and worries about whether he will can get his work out in.
But his character is truly the opposite of the values I hold dear. At this point, I am here only because we have a small child together. I do not know how long that will be enough. My mother divorced my self-centered father and married a wonderful man who showed me what a good husband can be to a wife for 42 years.
Why should I stay with a man who just wants his mother? But what if you married your husband only because you were desperate and living away from God at the time, not because you loved him? What if there have never been good times to look back on? What if he has the emotional maturity of a 14 year old? What if he has zero interest in leading the family spiritually?
What if he has zero interest in a relationship period? Then what? Lyn— I can absolutely feel your pain and frustration. God is not missing a beat— He sees it all. The truth still remains that the only thing you can control is you.
- How to Say Anything to Anyone: A Guide to Building Business Relationships That Really Work.
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Your only way forward is through. Your best path is to find joy where you are. Ask God to change you so you can find a place of peace, purpose, and gratitude in these circumstances. When we finish well, the rewards in heaven will outweigh the pain and disappointment here. HUGS, Lizzie.
It is comforting, yet heartbreaking that so many women feel the same way I feel. He struggles with pornagrophy and I struggle to move past it. We exist in the same house. And the deepest hurt is that he blames me for his porn issues. I regret getting married sometimes.
I have thought about leaving, but I stay. I dont know what to do. I wanna thank you first Lizzie for your heart in sharing all these things. Then yesterday, Sunday morning, I just lay down on a bed from the other room, closed the door and read your blog with the comments. I am really moved by the Holy Spirit while reading it that I kept on crying. I am corrected on what I was feeling that time. My heart made right again. Thanks for reminding me to obey and surrender it all to God. I learned to forgive my husband, for who am I if not, when God has already forgiven me for all of my sins. I had the courage to approach him again and felt sorry for how I responded to him.
At night, I prayed with him and even used some of your words from your sample prayer. I slept in peace and smile on my lips. I felt freedom. Thank you again Lizzie. Still going to read some of your blogs. Keep blessing people with your heart and keep on giving hope to everyone. You are blessed! XO from Philippines.
Thank you so much for sharing!!!! I am reading all these comments and can relate to just about all of them. He has good qualities BUT the bad ones in my opinion outweigh them. I am so uncomfortable. It hurts. But I know deep down that God is greater. I need help! Ask Him to give you a tenderness for your husband, start focusing on the good qualities maybe even start a journal where every day you write down one good thing about your husband or one helpful thing he did.
The best thing you can do for yourself, your sons, and your husband is model what it looks like to fight for the covenant that God placed under and over your marriage. Both chistiams, first part of my marriage I was in-love with my wife an I was hurt. Still hurt an now still see myself giving up on her. An now I feel replaced once again by these men that she loved an respected in first place.
An replaced by God, should I be happy for her that she searches an loves God but still treats me bad? Or is she really searching God? Hi Ed! Thanks for having the courage to post here! My favorite scriptural reminder is this:. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband.
Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? Just like I tell women who contact me about their husbands— the best way to change another person is to work on yourself.
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Everything you need is in Jesus. Keep fighting the good fight! I got help for myself, my anger problem. My counselor kept asking me questions, and he listened! Then he spoke to my wife. Avoid Pastoral Church counselors who often do not know what to do with deep, intense emotional issues. Despite how men and women have treated me, He loves me and has good in store for me. He has the same for you. My husband was so emotionally unavailable, so selfish, so passive aggressive, and so snarky, that the pain and loneliness actually led me on a spiritual journey to discover the truth.
He made me so miserable that it made me long to know there was some greater meaning to all of it. My husband will never be what I need him to be. But God is. When I look at my husband as a tool used by God to reconcile Himself to me, it really changes my attitude toward him. Jessica— thanks so much for sharing! I pray that as you press into Him and become more and more like Christ, your husband will witness the transformation and come to a place of decision and change himself.
And He uses us as witnesses of His love! MY wife hated me for the first 21 years of our marriage. It turns out that my wife was using me as an emotional punching bag for all of the hatred she stored up for her abusive now dead parents. My husband is a hard working, sacrificial man. He would lay down his life for me and our grown children… and probably a stranger! This has caused residual damage. We are building a house and if I offer a different opinion than his, he gets angry and says I should just build it myself.
I Think we are just having a healthy back-and-forth conversation about the style of our home and it turns into a huge blow up. I pray constantly that he can be healed from the strong hold of anger and unforgiveness. I needed this article today. Thank you for sharing. It would be so difficult to walk on eggshells like that all the time.
Since the easiest thing to start with is you—- it might help to consider how you share your thoughts with him ie think about everything from do you interrupt? My husband is a very sensitive man and I had to learn early on how to communicate in a way that feels respectful to him. If he does desire a partnership— calmly ask him how he wants you to share your thoughts and feedback with him. I hope this helps! Many blessings! Your email address will not be published. Notify me of follow-up comments by email.
Notify me of new posts by email. Shop Custom Painted Wood Signs. One of my mentors is a powerhouse Christian Psychologist named Dominic Herbst. Here are 5 practical things you can do to fall back in love with your husband: 1. Ask Him to reveal to you areas where you have believed lies and to heal your heart and mind. All of these things I pray in the precious name of Jesus.
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Lizzie Smiley on December 11, at pm. Kam on December 14, at pm. Lizzie Smiley on December 19, at pm. Their number is: I have also written a post specifically for people in abuse situations. Ericka on December 31, at pm. Lizzie Smiley on January 8, at pm. Ronel on January 6, at pm. I do not like this person I became, I hate being hateful, I need help Reply. Kadeef on January 21, at am. Lizzie Smiley Reply. Kadeef on January 24, at am. Gina Pharris on January 22, at pm. Gina Pharris on January 24, at am. Sorry I made some typos. Sam on January 26, at pm. Susan on February 13, at pm. NK on February 14, at pm.
Camilla on February 27, at am. What todo? Lizzie Smiley on May 29, at pm. You are so loved! KJ on May 13, at pm. So glad I read this- Reply. BDB on May 30, at pm. Liz on November 3, at am. I need to stay faithful to promise I made Reply. Theresa on June 27, at pm. Dear Lizzie, Thank you for your inspiring blogs. Theresa Reply. Lizzie Smiley on June 29, at pm. Bruce Dunlap on July 17, at pm. Thank You for any thoughts Reply. Lizzie Smiley on July 30, at am. Bruce on July 20, at pm.
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